Are you feeling the pressure to have children?
The pressure to have children currently seems to be on a high for women in this generation. Not only from strangers, but it can also be from close relatives, friends, or even your partner. I can’t begin to think about how many times I’ve been asked the question by other women or friends in the past ‘Are you not wanting any children?’. Or that common phrase YOUR TURN NEXT. The number of times I’ve tried to answer my rehearsed questions in my mind before I attended events that someone may ask me, about why I do not have children or when am I going to. Sadly, women feel they need to give these questions a reply due to it feeling socially awkward for them. Is it right to feel so pressured as a woman to conceive? Not only is it pressure, but some women may try and try again to have children. They may suffer from polycystic ovaries, miscarriage in the past, or maybe just can’t get pregnant. I can’t help to think how such a personal question or conversation to make about having babies can be the social normality in society today.
As I’m writing this, I have my two-year-old watching In the night garden on the television, now and again turning around to smile at me. My whole life is in this living room, but before my son, I never had a maternal bone in my body! And I was still happy and enjoyed my life to the full. I am 25 years old now, but I fell pregnant around my 23rd birthday. Sadly, I was considered a ‘young mum.’ So, what is this stigma ‘young mum’ ‘old mum’ or not a mum? A child-free individual. Someone somewhere has opinions on what age someone has children and think its acceptable to stereotype women for it. According to (Cardwell,1996) Stereotypes have a fixed or over general belief about a particular person or group. By looking at the way stereotypes think, they refer that all the group has similar characteristics. Relating back to this stigma, when someone who is pointed at as a young mum, old mum or a non-parent. This is still a form of stereotyping. Can women not just be individuals and not be judged on when they are going to become a mother. The judged misconceptions individuals can have against Women is so sad. Unfortunately this generation thinks its ok and nine times out of ten people are unaware when they maybe pressuring someone or creating a stigma against them. 2019 is more about being equal in genders, and women having the right to have careers, and choosing themselves when they want children!
So do women feel they need to conform to fit into society by having children?
Our social surroundings have a significant impact on mothers, mothers to be, or women who do not have children. According to (Gross,2015) conformity commonly refers to group pressure, conformity can be frowned upon as good and bad. It is the term to convey undesirable behaviour. Funnily enough it seems to be a growing thing that individuals form groups. A lot of the time its always the mothers going to baby groups together or meeting up at play centres. Social media having constant reminders of pregnancy, the likes of Instagram having ‘Baby bump’ pages or on the shelves at your local shop a whole section on tablets ‘helping fertility. Even programmes on the television ‘Sam and Billie Faiers’ The Mummy Diaries. It does all seem to be interconnected and society has a way to tell that all women at a certain age should be mothers. Although there is nothing wrong with these advertisements or product sales, it is sadly always a constant secret reminder for women to have children. It is believed to be the social normality that women in twenties and thirties should be planning to conceive. I believe from being questioned constantly by other mothers or reminded by a television ad, you’re going to secretly feel pressured to conform. Recently society has a hidden social pressure for women to have children, like it’s a must by the age of thirty!
A source from the Daily Mail back in May 2015 mentioned how an NHS chief warned women not to wait to have children towards the age of 30, or they would risk never having children? Britain is facing a ‘fatality timebomb,’ the source states. However, according to the (NHS,2019), 84 percent of couples will conceive naturally in the year if they tend to have unprotected sex three days out of seven. The NHS does state that fertility may start around the age of forty if the women have started going through the change. However, this is not stating that women should be trying for a child before the age of thirty. After reading these statistics on the NHS website, I think it is clear that women should not be facing worries over having children, and society does need to step back and have a think about emotions and feelings these questions may be causing.
The real question is, do we owe people that response to their personal questions? Should we answer why we don’t have children yet? The actual opinions people have on women without children can be wrong and come across prejudice. This can create social in and out groups which causes divides in society. The fact it’s just a preconceived opinion that women should have children is quite sad. There are fine lines between opinions and then people coming across prejudice. According to (SocialPsychology,2008) Prejudice is a negative attitude or unjustified thought process, this being towards the individuals identify, usually in a social group. Prejudice includes three different components these being affective, behavioural and cognitive. Discrimination is just behaviour based.
Have you ever felt pressured in society to become a Mother?
Do you feel you’ve ever been stereotyped for being a Mother?
Please feel free to comment on my blog below, thankyou
I don’t fit into any stereotypes. And I like myself that way.”
― C. JoyBell C.
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References
Catherine C (et al) (2012). The Psychology Book. London: Dorling Kindersley Limited.
Gross, R. (2015). Psychology The Science Of Mind And Behaviour. London: Hodder Education.
Hill, G. (2001). A Level psychology through diagrams. Newyork: Oxford University Press.
Mcleod, S. (2015, January 5). Sterotypes. Retrieved from SimplyPsychology: https://www.simplypsychology.org/katz-braly.html
Cardwell, M. (1996). Dictionary of Psychology. Chicago IL: Fitzroy Dearborn.
Social Psychology- Brooke Aspin 
Great blog! And something that people don’t discuss often!
I’m also a mother of a young child, have you found that once you had your first child your always asked, when’s your next? My reply is often ‘when I want another!’
Why is it society’s problem when or if a woman will have a child? A child is a massive commitment and one that a person shouldn’t feel pressured into.
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I do feel I was pressurised or seen to be judged if I wanted to be a mother and have a career! But today it seams that is okay, my Daughter is 26 now. Your mother.
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A topic that has never crossed my mind , even as a male I never understood the pressure for girls to have kids, either thats there own pressure or from family and society. Even in 2020 , Im guessing its still stigmatised if you dont have kids as you approach 40yrs, I knew a few women who categorically dont have or want kids and its still met with a raised eyebrow.
I guess social circles pressure girls to have kids ? (SIT), we forget that perhaps not every woman has the maternal instinct nor never will get it, I wonder how many women are pressured from the male in the relationship to have a child, interesting to see how much of an impact the male has on the say of choosing to have kids over the womens?
And then you have cultural differences, more so in 3rd world countries
Do you think there is gender stigma or stereotyping women who don’t want to have kids being perceived as business power hunger women ?
I think just because a person CAN have a child , doesn’t mean they should if they don’t want too .
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Thankyou for your comment on my blog Carl,
With you mentioning women in their 40’s being stigmatized for not being Mothers I completely agree. Society somehow tries to make it the normality for Women to be Mothers maybe when in twenty’s or thirty’s latest. I certainly agree that they are some stereotype in that sense. One of my relatives felt pressured to have children when she was only 33 from family members and even her doctor mentioned about fatality.
Following on to your next comment around the Social identity theory. This where people feel they need to be accepted in a group, whether that’s through their hobbies or social identity according to (Gross,2015) so that being said it could be that non parents do not feel accepted in a group full of Mothers or even Fathers due to not having the same interests in common or the same hobbies. Relating to social circles it is obvious that non parents and parents are separated in most cases when it comes to In groups and Outgroups. Somehow their is always some kind of negativity to the out group. As for (SIT) then I completely agree with you relating my blog to it so thankyou for that. Not every woman does want children and for many reasons, whether that’s because career for them is there first choice or they want to travel. Sadly, this never goes down lightly feel people and that’s when they get judged for it.
Lets hope 2020 has less discrimination and stereotypes, Thankyou.
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An interesting topic, and women regardless of amount of children are subjected to in-filtered opinions on their childbearing . I have 5 children and this can be an open forum for the constant ‘do you not have a tv in your house’ and the constant whilst having the children ‘are you done yet’ I should no more need to defend my choice to have a large family than another’s choice to have no children. You are correct in the fact that it’s not an easy journey for women. Less pressure and more support without question is a better option.
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On the day I got married my ex-husbands family started asking when we were going to have a baby. This was a regular question from his family. However, my family never asked once. In addition, I had my first baby in 1992 aged 26 and my second baby in 1995 aged 29 years. I was referred to as an old mum on both occasions by the doctors and midwives.
So I would say there was an expectation of having a baby and defiant stereotyping.
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This is absolutely adorable reading!!! I have never ever thought about that we – the women- could be discriminated in this way but this is the Reality! I felt this way a long time ago. I got married when I was 29 and had my baby at the age of 30. And at this time it was a bit late for these things:)))..
However, I think that every woman has her own time for children, some women never feel ready for it but it doesn’t make them wrong or unormal. Many women make huge mistakes to become mothers too early or to have babies from the wrong partner just because they felt pressurized by the sociaty. And the result is unhappy woman, unhappy children, bad future.
Thank you for the wonderful reading!
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Thank you very much Marrie for leaving a comment on my blog,
Yes, it is reality that discrimination is made towards Women who do not want children! I think with my blog it is an eye opener more sense in the usual case we relate discrimination towards being prejudice towards different sexes, race or age etc. However, when it comes to human behaviour, discrimination is an act of prejudice. Having an opinion towards another person based on their identity, hobbies, groups or social class.
Completely agree with your comment that every has their own choices towards these massive decisions and we are all human beings with our own self beliefs and choices. Suppose that is what makes us individuals in the first place? Sadly, this blog is relating to all the theories which are the Social Identify theory, being In a group or feeling an outcast. Or maybe feeling stereotyped from other individuals who have a family of their own. The list goes on but lets hope this generation becomes more equal and less judgemental with peoples choices in their own lives.
Thank you for reading.
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Your blog is very true for many women especially for those who are in settled relationships or marriage! Although my own experience is totally the opposite, no matter how women plan their life there will always be people with different types of negative opinions!
I got pregnant at 19, of course I was then stereotyped as a young mum. I was told that I was to young to look after a child and I would have no life but having my child has taught me nothing but how beautiful and innocent life is when your really living! So there really is an age limit of when to have children? Too young or too old?
The message you are putting across is brilliant because we should live life without worrying about what is right or wrong to others! There are many women who are unable to conceive and if they are in relationships or marriage and people make comments about ‘when are you going to have a child’ it is very personal and they shouldnt have to explain why they are not ‘the next one’ to have a baby! Or there is women who solely focus on their career and this shouldn’t make them feel bad because they are not having children.
I most definitely think women should be able to make their own choice and not feel pressured by society or health guide lines to have a baby at a suitable age. Its got to be done when they are ready!
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This is a fantastic blog. I have friends who have silently suffered miscarriages and upon talking to them the worst question you can ask is “Do you not want children?”. Not everyone without a child is through option and it is such a sensitive topic. I am very mindful when meeting people now not to jump into those questions just because you don’t know of peoples struggles. I have 3 children myself and love them to peices but a question I am often asked is “Are you having anymore?” Like there is some sort of number on the amount of children you should have!
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